Be honest, who's your favourite child?

OK, so you read this topic with your eyebrows raised all the way to your hairline, and the "horrified" icon ready to shoot off your mouse. Defensiveness is usually borne out of a deep-seated truth, even when that truth is ugly.

We all have a favourite. At some point. If you have one child, well they're your favourite. Lucky them! It is when you have more than one child, the topic gets slightly more controversial.

I have three children. They have all been my favourite at one moment in time. I don't tell them this but they can probably figure out when they are not my favourite. So by simple deduction the cat is out of the bag.

It is completely natural to have a stronger affiliation with one child over another throughout the course of their lives. This may be related to personality, behaviour or some other appealing or unappealing characteristic your child possesses. I'm sure you've heard your parents say "you were a horrid toddler" or "you really tested me when you were a teenager." Alternatively they may tell you your placid nature as a baby made them adore you even more.

I love all my children equally. Differently but equally.

I don't always like them. To be more specific, I don't always like their behaviour.

My oldest went through a crying phase, for about a year. He cried because I turned the light switch on when he wanted to. He cried because I selected a jumper with a hood, because I cut his sandwiches in triangles instead of squares, because I played the wrong DVD. I love that he has a sensitive nature and now he is older and has a better handle on all the waterworks, I see what a gem of a being he is. I struggled to see that at the time. I wouldn't say I didn't like him during those tumultuous 12 months, but I must confess his company was not wholly enjoyed. If some awfully bad parenting judge made me sit down and choose a favourite during that period, it would not have been him.

My second-born makes me laugh. So hard sometimes I am frightened a little bit of wee may come out. Of me, not him. He also makes my blood boil hotter than lava at the epicentre of a volcanic eruption. He is stubborn and regards listening as an optional extra. I am convinced he will be someone amazing - perhaps a Biophysicist or a Michael Jackson impersonator - but the road to amazement may be rocky. Some days he is my favourite, some days he is the antithesis.

My youngest, at 18 months, is the favourite today because he doesn't talk back. Yet. If you caught me last week when he was waking multiple times a night for no clear reason, then I would have classified him as the least favourite.

All this before I've even ventured into the scary cave of teenage years.

There are many horror stories of children being raised in families where there was a golden child. The oldest boy, the only girl, the sports star, the brainiac; the list is endless. Comparisons, slighting remarks and constant put downs leave children paying an agonising price for a parent's unguarded favouritism.

These are not childhoods we would want to recreate, where a child always felt inferior, unwanted or worse, unloved.

Nevertheless, to suggest you don't favour the company of one child over another, EVER, is naive. Denial of this kind of "bad parenting" is an expected response - what kind of parent admits they have preferred one child over another at different stages? It takes a brave person to confess that perhaps they have not bonded as strongly with one child as they have with another. Guilt and shame overshadow these feelings when they are much more common that we would ever be willing to declare.

The taboo of favouritism limits our ability to discuss the topic in an honest and open manner, yet if we released some of the expectation to be a perfect parent, we may just find that underneath the façade, we are human. Having a favourite child is very different from preferring the company of a child at varying phases throughout their childhood. If your children know with complete conviction that they are loved and supported in a fair and consistent manner, despite their behaviour, then favourite moments can be harmless.

My favouritism towards my children is variable and completely transient. My love, however, is solid and given freely and unconditionally, to each one of them.

How do you feel about the idea of favouritism? Did you parents have a "favourite" child? Have you preferred the company of one of your children at a certain stage? Discuss Kylie's blog.