Justine Davies.
First off, it doesn’t worry me at all if he is (it does worry DH though). And seeing as he is only six I'm not expecting a yes or no answer. I was more wondering whether anyone else has kids who are similar.
So – he’s our oldest, he is six and he has just started school this year. It never struck me until he started school and I started seeing him with all the other kids in his class, that he really is a bit different to them. At lunchtime and after school the other boys seem to run around, climb, jump, wrestle, etc, which my son has no interest in at all. The girls run around and climb too but do a lot more “pretend” games with princesses and so forth – and my son is right there with them! To the extent that he was crying when I picked him up the other day. When I asked him why he said that the girls wouldn’t let him be the princess in the game!
He has always been a very gentle kid and prefers playing with his sister’s dolls house and dress ups than kicking a ball. He loves nail polish and jewellery and chooses what I would call “pretty” boys clothes. It does distress DH that his son isn’t interested in kicking a footy with him and he worries that he will get picked on at school as he gets older.
I don’t want him to get picked on of course, but I don’t want to force him to be someone that he’s not. Am I worrying too much?
(Name supplied).
Well, as a mother of three girls there’s not much personal anecdote I can offer, except to say that a lot of the sons of my friends like nail polish and bling too, so I reckon that’s just a kid thing. And also - you might be surprised by how many of the boys don't run and climb etc - it's just that your attention is drawn to the ones who do because they are right there in your face.
However I have asked Kimberley O’Brien, principal child psychologist for Quirky Kid Psychology Clinic for her professional opinion.
“Firstly, it’s very difficult to make assumptions based on behaviour at that age,” she says. “Many children like role-playing that is traditionally associated with the opposite gender so I wouldn’t read too much into that at such a young age.
Having said that, there are some similarities in what you are describing to the experiences related to me by adult clients who are homosexual, in that many of them describe how they loved playing with their mother’s jewellery and make-up and how they were attracted to female role model playing.”
Reader, Kimberley suggests that the best thing you can do is to give your child a variety of options and let him decide what he is interested in – and be aware that his interests may well change over time. Art, music, drama, sport, chess – there’s endless possibilities. But whatever he chooses, it’s vitally important that you strive to make no judgement. “The last thing that you want to do is to shame your child,” says Kimberley. It’s important to be open minded so that you don’t unconsciously communicate any disapproval or pass on any prejudices to them.”
“Many children as young as twelve or thirteen will know with certainty that they are homosexual,” says Kimberley. “And we have run workshops for the parents and carers of these kids to help them to understand and relate to the issues that their children may be going through."
But reader, Kimberley stresses that kids do go through stages – a daughter might be an absolute tomboy at a young age (as two of mine are) and become a very feminine beauty queen; likewise boys who are predominantly interested in dolls, kitchens, makeup and princesses may well change into footy-loving lads. There can be dramatic changes as they get older.
“The number one thing is to make sure that your kids are safe and accepted no matter what they do – it’s that unconditional love that they need,” says Kimberley. “Try not to become too attached to the future in terms of the fulfilment of your own hopes and dreams. Be supportive of the individual choices your children make, and just see what happens.”
Kimberley O’Brien is principal child psychologist for Quirky Kid Psychology Clinic.
EK Members: Do you have any advice for (name supplied)? Leave your comments here.
