Is this how I do it mum?
Every parent wants the best for their children and to see them excel in any field they choose to tackle. That should be a given. But there are some parents, particularly with kids who have a flair for the arts, who perhaps want it just a little too much. I’m of course talking about the dreaded Stage Parent that lies dormant within all of us – and not-so-dormant in some.
If you’ve ever found yourself screaming a little too loudly from the sidelines or urging your child to practice that little bit harder, maybe you’ve paused to wonder whether you too may becoming a Stage Parent. Well wonder no more, because Essential Kids has interviewed a panel of experts to find the five cardinal sins committed by every stage parent and how they can be avoided.
Top 5 Stage Parent antics to avoid:
1. Demanding that your child be placed in the front row of a routine.
“There is clearly a very good reason why a dance teacher or choreographer chooses certain students to be in the front row” says Suzy Yates, General Manager of Sydney performing arts school Brent Street. “Ability is one factor, height is another and balance of the routine is another. A good teacher will make sure that all children at some stage have a chance in the front row during class and for performances. If the same students get picked all the time then best to arrange a meeting with the teacher to assess your child’s progress in the class rather than demanding they be put in the front row.”
2. Starting sentences with “Now, I’m not a Stage Parent, but . . .”
If you find yourself uttering these words, chances are you have a dose of the Joseph Jackson’s (celebrated Stage Parent of Michael Jackson and the Jackson Five). And it's a phrase that your child’s performing arts teacher is likely to have heard a million times – right before a helpful parent tells the teacher exactly what they are doing wrong. Suzy Yates suggests that a better phrase would be “as a parent who is involved in their child’s dancing/ singing/ acting, can I please talk to you about . . .” This allows for an open discussion about your child with their teacher rather than a one-way critique of the teacher’s ability.
3. Watching every class.
Most dance studios have a policy of not allowing anyone to watch the classes. However, if your child does attend a studio that allows classes to be viewed, our experts suggest that you should avoid hanging around for too long. Suzy Yates says that having a parent watching rehearsals is distracting for your child, the other children in the class and the teacher. “It is best to ask your child to perform the dance for you at home” she suggests, “and then wait for concert time to see the routine in all its glory.”
Casting agent Jane Norris of Mullinars Casting Consultants adds to this the need for parents not to over-coach their children and to leave the training to the experts. “When a child comes in for an audition or casting, we like to see how the child would perform the role, not their over-eager parent. You can always spot the child who is acting the way their parent wants them to act”.
4. Chastising your child if they are not selected for a solo or a part in a show.
Performing requires confidence and, through this, the building up of a child’s self-esteem. Criticizing a child for not meeting their parent’s goals can be very damaging to the child’s on-going interest and desire to perform. For this reason Suzy Yates recommends focusing on the whole performance journey rather than on achieving fixed milestones within a fixed time line. “Performing arts is a hugely competitive field and not everyone is going to make it, but allowing children to enjoy the journey is important”.
5. Contacting a casting agent directly to demand a role for your child.
This, according to Jane Norris, is a cardinal sin. If a casting agent is looking for a particular performer they will contact a talent agency and discuss their needs with the talent agent. As such, parents with talented youngsters should register their child with a talent agency and let the agent arrange auditions and castings.
Another casting no-no is calling a casting agent to demand why your child didn’t get a particular role. “I’ve had a number of these calls” says Jane. “They are often couched in terms of ‘I just need to know why she didn’t get the role so we know for next time’. I’m not an acting coach or a dance instructor – I just know what it is a client is looking for. I can’t give anyone tips on how to make a producer want a particular actor.”
Suzy Yates goes even further in warning parents against this approach “Hassling a casting agent ensures your child will not be selected – they do have black books!”
