Kylie Orr
This week's word: eidetic; eye-DET-ik; (Adj)
Meaning : marked by or involving extraordinarily accurate and vivid recall especially of visual images
If I saw a Job ad for 'Mother' and 'Housewife', I probably wouldn't bother applying. The 'Mother' role could work but the 'Housewife' bit? Puhlease. Who wants to spend their days ironing, picking up clothes, mopping floors and cooking meals that your children screw their faces up at? Unpaid no less. A gift to your family? Pfft.
Upon further consideration, I realised I probably couldn't apply. I certainly wouldn't meet the selection criteria and would struggle with any Key Performance Indicators unless you think Milo constitutes a suitable Sunday breakfast. I realised I don't actually have the skills to be a successful Mother and Housewife. Sure, I raise my kids on a daily basis but do I have any idea what I am doing? No Sir-ee!
My performance as a Mother passes but it wouldn't put me at the top of the candidate shortlist if I had to document my achievements on paper. Here are my most impressive skills:
1. Ability to change a nappy one handed while on the phone to the bank and buttering a piece of toast with my feet.
2. Quick thinking answers to any question put to me by a 5 or 3 year old, with no warning or context.
3. I can laugh with the best of them at fart jokes and substitute a myriad of names for farts... fluffs, poppies, squeaks, pop-offs, stinkers.
4. Thanks to an eidetic memory, I can locate superhero toys missing in action, odd socks, stray uniform items and toenail scissors simply by closing my eyes.
I am met with new parenting challenges each and every day and I have absolutely no experience to draw on in order to address them. Mother's Instinct went out when all those parenting books came in. A lovely helpful way to undermine any gut instinct by telling us whatever we were doing was inherently wrong and should we not follow these so-called parenting bibles, then our kids would no doubt end up in therapy. For years. Maybe I should find my kids a therapist now and see if they offer frequent crier points? Three kids for the price of two?
In school, we were encouraged to follow our dreams; told we could do anything. We were the new generation of women who didn't even have to think about whether we could take on the blokes in the male-dominated fields. There was no gender war - if we wanted to study engineering, well we worked damn hard like everyone else and we did engineering. Penis or no penis. It was irrelevant. You want to be a Rocket Scientist? A Fluent Japanese Speaking Submarine Builder? A Paleontologist? An Investment Banker? Sure, no problem. Equal Opportunity and all that palaver. I don't recall many people raising their hands for the role of Mother and Housewife. Then again, I don't remember any teacher asking.
Where were the classes on how to BE a Mother and Housewife? And let's stretch it to say were men offered the same options of becoming Fathers and Househusbands? Imagine if they offered 'Home Economics' these days? Ah, we'd be up in arms about how ridiculous it is to be teaching such mundane tasks as cooking and cleaning to women (and men) who have perfectly functioning brains in their heads. These things don't need training, right? They come naturally. Aha. As naturally as 'Natural' confectionary and 'Natural' Ice cream.
I like to think I'm intelligent. My brain is full of education but not a single fibre of it has helped me manage this thing we call a home. I am a mediocre cook, and that is being generous. I can clean, but don't have much of a system. And the house is never entirely clean all at the same time. I am often left overwhelmed and despaired by the washing which turns out, is my only loyal friend, waiting patiently for me to return to the laundry and fold it. I find it unfathomable that I fail to keep the basic household together, when I have a university degree. Crazy?
Maybe not.
No-one taught me how to run a household. I guess I was just supposed to know. My mother certainly ran an efficient home, with four children under her belt and a love of ironing to boot. She may have tried to teach me how to iron or cook at some point, which no doubt I turned my nose up at for much greater ambitions. If only I had paid attention, perhaps my house wouldn't be such a shambles today.
So while we debate what level of qualifications our country's childcare workers should possess and scorn anyone who chooses 'Mother and Housewife' as a career, perhaps we should analyse the masses. Put your hand up if you are a Mum and you clean your home? My bet is the numbers will be huge. Now raise your hand if this was your chosen occupation, your destiny realised? Mother: maybe. Housewife: I'd love to meet you and pick your brain. I predict there is a whole population of women floating in the sea of parenthood with little idea about how to get through. It is simply on-the-job training but the price we pay if we fluff it up is huge. And so will be the therapist's bill.
And let's not even start on what a mess the house is in...
Do you think we should reintroduce the idea of 'Home Economics' as an option to students? Do you feel qualified to be a parent? A Housewife/Househusband? Comment on Kylie's Orr blog here..
