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gracie1978

Indian Matchmaking

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gracie1978

Omg obsessed

I adore this show and I'm in love with basically all of them 😍

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MummaBlossom

Yes! I've watched the first 3 or 4 episodes. I'm not a fan of Aparna or Pradyhuamn...I think they're both a little arrogant.

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CallMeFeral

What channel/platform is this on? Sounds fascinating!

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gracie1978

Netflix

I'm surprised by how upfront some of them are about skin colour preferences, background requirements of etc

Curious to know what any Indian EBers think.

 

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Popper

OP I needed something new to watch and this is exactly the sort of thing I was after!! Loving it. Great recommendation. 

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DirtyStreetPie
7 hours ago, gracie1978 said:

Netflix

I'm surprised by how upfront some of them are about skin colour preferences, background requirements of etc

Curious to know what any Indian EBers think.

 

I'm an Indian EBer. :D

There is a strong, strong, strong, preference for light skin in Indian culture. There's a massive industry for skin-lightening creams. Also, Indians are not as, er, delicate about things. So if you've put on weight, they'll tell you. If you've lost weight, they'll tell you. If you're looking tired, they'll tell you. And if they want to marry a light-skinned person... they'll tell you.

On those Indian matrimony sites, you can enter your skin colour in your profile. So many people write 'wheatish'. As if everyone in India is that light LOL.

On the issue of other requirements, arranged marriages are very transactional. If you're educated and wealthy, you would only settle for another person who matches your stature in the 'community'. You would also be constrained by caste, as inter-caste marriages are looked down upon.

I'm not painting a very pretty picture, am I? I'm sorry to say I've seen the ugly side of Indian matchmaking up-close, and I'm not a fan. If you're lucky, you'll end up with someone who really suits you. Otherwise, it's a life-ruiner, especially in a culture that proscribes divorce.

Disclaimer: My statements about what Indians do and think are just generalisations. There are exceptions - I am one, as I'm married to someone who is not Indian at all. And my parents had an inter-caste marriage (everyone freaked out at first, but eventually got over it). And a few interracial marriages are creeping into my community.

I hope I don't get flamed by other Indians for speaking the truth about this. 😛

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22Fruitmincepies
Posted (edited)

DSP that’s pretty much what my SIL has told me. I’m so glad she moved here and married my brother instead! 

Edited by 22Fruitmincepies
Wrong person oops
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smilinggirl

What a great recommendation, I am now hooked! So interesting to watch

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YodaTheWrinkledOne

DSP, that's pretty much spot on with what I have observed for many of my indian mates as well. 

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ballogo
Posted (edited)
On 19/07/2020 at 8:08 AM, Popper said:

OP I needed something new to watch and this is exactly the sort of thing I was after!! Loving it. Great recommendation. 

I'm half Indian - my mother is Indian.  She detested me getting a tan and insisted that being pale was beautiful.

When we visit India we read the ads in the daily papers - all specify looks, education and often caste.

My cousin was offered a marriage of convenience by the son of one of the richest men in India.  She is also half Indian and very pale - so considered beautiful and a good match.

My granny used to take my photograph to the Agiary e and show all the young men in the hopes of getting me married to a good Parsee - particularly as she was worried that I was getting too old.

Edited by ballogo
Can't spell...
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CallMeFeral
Posted (edited)

Finally finished the series! Really enjoyed it, was a bit disappointed in the lack of followup for some of the regulars earlier on - in the last episode when they were introducing a new person I was like "no, I don't need to know another one I need to know how the previous ones went...". But I guess maybe the show was done too fast to actually get closure on anybody. I'd have liked some closure I think. 

The snippet interviews with the already married couples were so adorable. 

Edited by CallMeFeral
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CrankyM

Callmeferal I was the same. I wanted some follow up to find out if they ended up getting married etc. Especially with the people who were in 3-4 episodes. Is it bad I wanted to good Aparna to see if anything came up :lol:

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CallMeFeral
6 hours ago, CrankyM said:

Callmeferal I was the same. I wanted some follow up to find out if they ended up getting married etc. Especially with the people who were in 3-4 episodes. Is it bad I wanted to good Aparna to see if anything came up :lol:

I googled. 😬

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ballogo
1 hour ago, CallMeFeral said:

I googled. 😬

And?....

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CallMeFeral
Posted (edited)
16 hours ago, ballogo said:

And?....

Spoiler alert (highlight if you want to read it):

NOBODY ended up together at the end of it. Not even the guy who got engaged! Apparently they found out something they didn't like and cancelled it. Shekar was not as nice once the cameras stopped rolling. Sounds like the schoolteacher guy got dumped again. Aparna is friends with all the guys but not dating anyone. Rich dude and the model didn't hit it off. And the guy who seemingly ghosted that lovely girl (gosh I'm bad with names) apparently says the story was quite different and that whole meeting her friends and not showing up things was staged. 

So disappointing - it has a worse success rate than Married at First Sight honestly!

Edited by CallMeFeral
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halcyondays
Posted (edited)

I'm of Indian descent and there was a major cognitive dissonance for my parents in the way I was brought up - "be active and sporty, swim, run- but don't get darker, OMG (major panic)  you have gotten so black!". Get really well educated, have great career, be a worldly sophisticated woman, but show how "homely" you are! How mild and unassuming and not like a career girl at all!

I thought a lot of the show would have been staged and set up. It is never in a girl's interests  to go on camera like this- it would spoil a lot of her prospects for an arranged marriage in the future. The thought process being- if she wasn't good enough for that boy (even if he stood her up) , she certainly isn't good enough for my son- (girl's family  are probably hiding something.....)


 

Edited by halcyondays
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3babygirls
On 19/07/2020 at 8:46 AM, DirtyStreetPie said:

I'm an Indian EBer. :D

There is a strong, strong, strong, preference for light skin in Indian culture. There's a massive industry for skin-lightening creams. Also, Indians are not as, er, delicate about things. So if you've put on weight, they'll tell you. If you've lost weight, they'll tell you. If you're looking tired, they'll tell you. And if they want to marry a light-skinned person... they'll tell you.

On those Indian matrimony sites, you can enter your skin colour in your profile. So many people write 'wheatish'. As if everyone in India is that light LOL.

On the issue of other requirements, arranged marriages are very transactional. If you're educated and wealthy, you would only settle for another person who matches your stature in the 'community'. You would also be constrained by caste, as inter-caste marriages are looked down upon.

I'm not painting a very pretty picture, am I? I'm sorry to say I've seen the ugly side of Indian matchmaking up-close, and I'm not a fan. If you're lucky, you'll end up with someone who really suits you. Otherwise, it's a life-ruiner, especially in a culture that proscribes divorce.

Disclaimer: My statements about what Indians do and think are just generalisations. There are exceptions - I am one, as I'm married to someone who is not Indian at all. And my parents had an inter-caste marriage (everyone freaked out at first, but eventually got over it). And a few interracial marriages are creeping into my community.

I hope I don't get flamed by other Indians for speaking the truth about this. 😛

This very much summed up my brother in laws family except that they are Sri Lankan.

Very straight forward and blunt. I went and saw his extended family and the first comment was how fat I was and that I had gotten too dark. THat I should stay nice and white (I am anglo, but I tan well).

They tend to look down on my SIL because she is white and since he is the only boy in the family he should have married a nice Sri Lankan girl. His sisters all married Sri Lankan men very young. 

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MadMarchMasterchef

I would be interested to watch.  I know an older Indian couple who were matchmade by their parents and seem to have been happily married for many years.  The idea of matchmaking in itself sounds not much difference to a dating service,  but Im curious how it would go if you really didn't like the person they set you up with. 

 

@halycondaze one of my friends who is Indian has a good career as does her husband but as far as I can see she does 100% of the cooking and cleaning, although her husband is quite a hands on dad when not at work.  It looks like a tough gig to me! 

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Chamomile

Some questions for those who know more on this:
- When they don’t use a professional matchmaker, is the process led by the male’s family? 
- It seems so difficult to be exactly equal on so many criteria, eg, wealth, status, education, appearance. Would they say, he is wealthier than her, but she is more educated, so the two balance out and they are a match? 

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Bethlehem Babe

Vinay! What a jerk if true. 
 

The jeweller is so not ready to settle down. He’s wasting everyone’s time. 

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CallMeFeral
2 hours ago, halcyondays said:

It is never in a girl's interests  to go on camera like this- it would spoil a lot of her prospects for an arranged marriage in the future. The thought process being- if she wasn't good enough for that boy (even if he stood her up) , she certainly isn't good enough for my son- (girl's family  are probably hiding something.....)


 

That is such an interesting point. Come to think of it, I think apart from the business-girl (she was my favourite), all the females in it were American? The only people featured from India were male, I think. I hadn't noticed, but that makes complete sense now. The American girls would be way more up for being on reality tv. 

 

2 hours ago, MadMarchMasterchef said:

@halycondaze one of my friends who is Indian has a good career as does her husband but as far as I can see she does 100% of the cooking and cleaning, although her husband is quite a hands on dad when not at work.  It looks like a tough gig to me! 

So infuriating. DH has a distant relative who are from India but they live in America - she has a higher powered job than his and out earns him, but comes home and cooks for him, and serves him first before she can eat. WTF, to me that is is so messed up. They seem happy with it. 

 

1 hour ago, Chamomile said:

- It seems so difficult to be exactly equal on so many criteria, eg, wealth, status, education, appearance. Would they say, he is wealthier than her, but she is more educated, so the two balance out and they are a match? 

I would say just like in real life yes some factors can compensate for others. If she is beautiful, or he's tall, or someone is a doctor, or comes from a reputable high caste family, etc etc. Even stuff like in Pride and Prejudice, something done by another member of your family could impact your marketability. Also I think at one time (not sure if it's still the case), if the male was working in a Western country and would be able to take the bride over there, that was considered a step up as well. 

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elfbolt

I am Indian and had an arranged marriage - I found the show infuriating to watch and couldn't even hate-watch after the first 3 episodes, I found it too triggering. The part that was especially hard to watch was the emotional blackmail by families as to why their children needed to 'settle down' and 'compromise'. In my experience most matches are arranged through friends and family - someone who knows someone's sister's husband's cousin and so on.

19 hours ago, CallMeFeral said:

Also I think at one time (not sure if it's still the case), if the male was working in a Western country and would be able to take the bride over there, that was considered a step up as well. 

This was the case for me, I was married at 19 and came to Australia at 20. Happily, it was much easier to get divorced here than it would have been in India after the marriage turned abusive.

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ballogo
1 hour ago, halcyondays said:

I'm of Indian descent and there was a major cognitive dissonance for my parents in the way I was brought up - "be active and sporty, swim, run- but don't get darker, OMG (major panic)  you have gotten so black!". Get really well educated, have great career, be a worldly sophisticated woman, but show how "homely" you are! How mild and unassuming and not like a career girl at all!

 


 

Yes!  So much this! I was brought up to be educated and have a career and be as "white" as I could, but I was also told be slim, dress 'nicely, be polite, be obedient, don't be loud or 'boyish' etc. etc.

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Kiwi Bicycle

Just a geniune question, I am just curious. In Indian culture, after you get married, have kids or whatever, is it ok to not be slim? I read a long time ago that weight can equate to wealth and having more than enough to eat, hence why older married Indian women are often overweight. Is this at all true or current?

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tinselfoil hat

Seema (the matchmaker) is also on A Suitable Girl (Netflix). Seems to be a lot more in depth than Indian Matchmaking. I’m only 10 mins in but so far so good 😁

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